i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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