He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
