i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
