weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
