Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
