did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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