Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
