i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
