you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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