can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
