In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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