Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
