hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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