yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
