We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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