glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
