I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
