She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You ruined the universe
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
