Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
