I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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