it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
