I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
