I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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