This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
