my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So much rum. So many feels.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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