i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
