Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
