Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
