I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
