Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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