Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
