Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
