your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
