i love accidental penises.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
