Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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