So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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