What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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