Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
