whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
