just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
