This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
