He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
