A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
