i can't believe i had my finger in that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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