did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
