This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you traded sex for a burrito?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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