Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
