Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
