we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dear god my vagina.
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