Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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