Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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