My Higher Power is John Stamos
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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