I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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