so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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