those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
too bad you live with your parents still
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
