he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
