Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize