so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize