I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
