so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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