i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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