I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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