Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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