Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
