Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
