Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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