I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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