so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
