I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
