You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
