I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
