well I can't set my house on fire every night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
