I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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