I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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