When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
